Another classic example of stupid lead generation.
This showed up in my inbox this morning (should have been filtered to Spam or junk but wasn’t)
Hi Sir
Are you interested in morden abstract oil paintings? We mainly wholesale, also retail.
100% handmade oil paintings on canvas, could be used for home / hotel / office decoration.
picasaweb.google.com/paint4deco
Our price is low.
If you’re interested, please tell us the item number and the size you want.
Thank you and best regards,
Hedy
Painting factory in China
Maybe this is legit – I would never click on the link to find out though.
Let’s assume this IS legit.
Could this actually GET any worse?
First, what is “morden abstract oil paintings”. A quick search on Google shows me it is a town in Manitoba, or the last name of a guy in Calgary. Nothing I can find says it has anything to do with art.
If they meant “modern” they should try this thing called a spell check machine! Especially (!) if you are writing marketing materials in a language you are not familiar with.
If this is how they actually generate business, and it works, imagine what would be possible if they actually had it proof read by someone who does speak English. Imagine if they actually took some initiative and learned a couple things about writing sales copy. With all the free articles on sales letter writing and copywriting out there, it would cost them nothing and have a significant impact on their sales.
Next…
“We mainly wholesale, also retail.” – need I say more? Yeesh.
By the looks of this email it is a spam email sent to millions in hope someone would buy from them… and maybe they do.
Imagine if they had written something like this instead (took me 3 minutes to draft – and could be dramatically improved with more work):
Fellow entrepreneur. (first name is better)
I won’t take much of your time, but I do have something for you that could dramatically impact your customer relationships.
First, the reason I am contacting you is that I found you online and realize that you run a marketing company.
Marketers like you and I know that customer retention is critical for our long term survival.
And we both know that yet another golf shirt or ball cap won’t build the good will in your client base that you want.
What will?
Something different.
Something dramatically different.
What better than a client gift that costs you very little, yet they will proudly display on their walls for many years to come!
That’s right… we have a specialty program for Marketing companies like yours. Smart Art is our flagship program for building customer relationships and sales.
How does it work?
Instead of giving away shirts or ball caps this golf season… why not give them a beautiful piece of art they can proudly display in their home or office?
The cost is similar… the impact dramatically different.
Go to our Smart Art page to see the impact this has had for other Marketing companies like yours www.url.com
Pay close attention to the feedback other entrepreneurs have given.
Look through the gallery section to see what we can offer you.
Most importantly… sign up for our Smart Art Membership for FREE.
Sign up and you will get your first piece of art for free.
As a member in our community, you also get first rights on our newest art work, and (this will be important to you), you also receive one free customer print (framed) for every 4 pieces you buy.
Invest in 4 customer relationships and we help build the 5th.
Not only that, we also supply you with custom engraved name plates for each print (at less than a dollar a piece).
One last thing, we also will supply you with a greeting card (complete with art work on the cover) you can use when you proudly hand these out to your clients.
There is no risk or catch to claim your first print.
go to www.url.com and look through our Smart Art section.
Choose which art work you want in your home or office.
Become a member and let us look after you.
No catch or hook.
Free help to build stronger ties with your customers.
Last, if you want to speak directly with me, please reply back and let me know the best time to contact you.
Thank you.
First name and last name
Actual company name
phone #
PS: There is no catch to this offer. You can claim your Free Smart Art Customer Retention membership by visiting this site now www.url.com. Once you sign up, we will send you a free oil painting for your home or office. Not only that, we will also provide you with all these bonuses (list) and tools to help you build a rock solid relationshgip with your customers this year. Customers absolutely love these hand made works of art.
[testimonial of actual customer]
Don’t delay… this can make a dramatic difference in your business and there is no risk or cost involved for you to get started.
See all of our customer comments here www.url.com
See what a difference that makes!
Again, with more thought and preparation, I could make this shine much more.
But the point is this…
…invest the time in learning how to do PROPER lead generation.
Learn how to write simple sales letters. Learn how to do lead generation campaigns.
And make your marketing efforts pay off for once and for all!
Yes, it takes work – but any real business I know of was built with actual elbow grease… not magic pills and little shiny internet marketing objects.
To your lead generation success!
Troy
NICE one, my friend…
… both the article AND the rewrite!
This is why I continually look to you for inspiration.
Cheers -
Al
“Not only that, we will also provide you with all these bonuses (list) and tools to help you build a rock solid relationshgip [sic] with your customers this year.”
–”try this thing called a spell check machine! Especially (!) if you are writing marketing materials in a language you are not familiar with.”
Sheesh….
Of course, I’m kidding. But I do find humour in such an error.
As always, your work is first rate.
I am continually WOWED!
Best,
RJ
(blush)
Thanks guys.
I do try
) and will continue to do so.
Sharing simple ideas like this I find makes more of a difference in actual results than many of the more complicated lessons available.
All the feedback you have – good, bad, indifferent – is a big help in moving forward.
What type of information is of MOST help to you right now?
- Lead generation?
- Traffic?
- Conversions?
- Web tools?
- __fill in what YOU want here…_______
Thanks for sharing. Troy
Great real life exercise on how to improve copy.
And while it may be a simple fix to us. it’s a dead language to many.
Later,
McCool
Troy, great rewrite. Dramatically shows the difference between bad and good marketing. Funny thing is, doing good marketing isn’t that much harder. Another thing that struck me is the perception created between these two approaches. Bad= a lazy, sloppy, desperate business. Good= a professional, caring, responsive business. Words matter.
Most helpful to me right now. How to get traffic that leverages into everything else. For example, I do article and blog writing to drive traffic. How can I best leverage this time and effort into other areas? Lead generation, product development, building relationships with prospects
Awesome post Troy and a great re-do of that email!
It’s amazing how terribly BAD emails that all of us get really are. I think the worst are “potential JV deals” that are 100% about the person selling the product and NOTHING to build a relationship.
Jeremy Reeves
http://www.LocalBizHero.com
Walt and Sean. good point… to many of us, this is second nature.
But the ‘us’ we are talking about are people who care about their business enough to invest some time learning.
MOST business owners I talk to have never read a marketing book, don’t read marketing blogs, haven’t EVER looked into direct response style marketing, and think advertising doesn’t work.
It is simple…
…for those who will get off their ass and do a little bit of extra work.
You know as well as I do – the difference between success and failure is minuscule.
During the Olympics… the difference between failure and success can be 0.001 of a minute (or second).
In business…it can be one ad, one lead generation campaign, one conversion tool.
Just one. That’s all we need. Which is why we must continue to test and try new things CONSTANTLY in our business.
Only then will you find the one thing.
Thanks for sharing. Troy
Hey I sell “shirts & ball caps”!
Great re write Troy. Promotional products(shirts & ball caps) can build goodwill if the promotional program is properly designed with a direct response sales letter!
Mark, Lol. Didn’t mean to ‘dis’ your business. I am a big believer in graft like that – ESPECIALLY when it is incorporated into multi-step marketing campaigns. A ball cap goes with a letter that ties into the offer. The ball cap ties into letter #2, that comes with a t-shirt (of course, with a letter)… etc.
I never have understood why more people in your business don’t take lessons from the direct response business and actually help create multi-step campaigns that come with copy and products.
Kinda like http://www.promoprofits.com – they do a great job.
Let me know more about your business and if you do this – or if you are willing to!
Thanks Mark.
Thanks, Troy…You are so right on.
Good communication will make millionaires; it doesn’t matter if it’s in print or in person. There needs to be a solid, authentic message. I’m finding that it doesn’t matter if you have the best product or best service or best price, all that matters is how it’s communicated. I also see, along with communication…validity, authenticity, and being real will make or break people selling on the Internet. How to communicate them w/o being pitchy…that is the challenge.
How many of us have greeted a person at our door with a pitch before making them feel welcome and comfortable by offering them something to drink and sitting them down first? Too many emails and websites blare pitches right from the get-go without really knowing their customer…they get the high bounce rate from me.
I really enjoyed reading the Display Ad ebook and will put those into practice…thank you.
Brad
Hey Troy,
I’m an affiliate of 3D mail also! For promotional products go to Neat Stuff University
http://www.neatstuffu.com I working on a site right now to consolidate all my offerings!
You did that in 3 minutes Troy? Amazing. Also you got a lot of good points here. Sales letters can make or break our business. They can say a lot about our reputation.